A Changed Heart
I remember the words of FDR "This is a day, that will live in infamy" Of course he was referring to that terrible day at Pearl Harbor, where most of our Navy fleet was destroyed by the Japanese. It was a day that the world, even today has never forgotten.
Well, I too know a day that will live forever in my heart, soul and mind. On July 26, 1996 I made a decision that affected my life FOREVER. As I think back to what led up to that decision, I can only wonder why I never made the decision sooner in my life. Only to realize that I wouldn't have been as serious as I am now about my faith. I used to be a angry, jealous and very lustful man. And even though I was married, I still somehow thought that I could have my cake and eat it too.
The Lord had a plan that was so precise and so cunning that only He could have orchestrated it. The Scriptures declare to us "Many are the plans of man's heart, but the Lord's purpose will prevail". There were many plans in my heart, but the Lord's purpose for them prevailed.
At the time of my conversion I was married for 3 years and my first son was only 18 months old and thankfully knew nothing of my personal issues, although I'm sure at that tender age, even he knew something aboutdaddy wasn't right. As I stated earlier I was an angry man, no regards to anything or anyone. I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with whomever I wanted (period) (dot)
So we begin.....I had stayed all night (first time as a married man) and called my wife and told her that I was too drunk to come home. Of course, that was not fully the truth, yes I had been drinking. But not enough to stay out all night long. My wife had even tried to pursuade me not to go, but I told her that I was going anyway and that was it. My son was very ill with an upper respiratory infection and because she couldn't find her husband, a friend and my father-in-law had to take him to the emergency room and buy his medication.
So as not to drag this story out any longer than I have to. I came home from my night out to find my wife had been up all night with my ill son and was very, very angry with me, to say the least. When I reflect back, my son could have for all that I knew, died that night (he was that ill). As usual I came in and tried to lie my way through the situation but on this day, my wife was not going for my usual spiel. When I came downstairs, I found my clothes torn from my closet and my softball uniform, shoes cut in shreds. I was escorted out of the house by the police, but was allowed to return later in the day. So began my lies and conniving to try and squirm my way out of my "night" out, but the Lord had other plans.
This next part is where I know God was in control all the time and I didn't even see it (obviously). My wife and I had been going back and forth about my whereabouts and finally turned in for the night, when as we were laying there she says "Your lying", in which I replied, "What"?, she again said "your lying, where were you really?" I was truly in shock, it was as if "someone" was speaking to her, but of course only she could hear them. So basically I confessed to my wife of my true whereabouts. Over the next week, it only got worst because as any of you may know. If you tell one lie, you must then tell another and another and another until you forget what you said in the past two.
All this led to me eventually moving out of the house and into my mom's. I was there for about 4 days. I came over on Friday the 26th to give my wife some money for bills and see my son. We of course began to argue and I basically was ready to throw up my hands and leave, but "something" wouldn't let me.
As I was about to walk out the door, I made a detour to the bathroom. I got in front of the mirror and for the first time in my life I gave myself a "real" good look and I couldn't stand what I saw. I realized that I was about to lose everything that ever really mattered up to that point. So I stepped back from the sink and closed my eyes. Then I raised my hands and said "Lord, come into my heart" as I said that I noticed (with my eyes closed) to the left of my vision, a light that seemed to be pulsating. I quickly opened my eyes, not frightened but curious. I again closed my eyes and with hands raised saw this light begin to not only pulsate,but get closer and close to me. Finally, it literally hit me like a bolt of lightning and went through my body. I then cried out and my wife ran into the bathroom and asked me "what's wrong, what happened?"
I told her that "I asked the Lord to come into my heart and He came", that's all that I could muster at that point. And then the most peaceful feeling came over me and my mind was so clear, clearer than it had ever been. I couldn't believe it. It was like the Lord was right there surrounding me with His sweet peace. First I called my friend and told him what happened because him and his wife had been praying for my salvation. Then I called my mom and told her and also talked to my grandmother. I was completely different and completely in awe of what God had done in such a short period time.
Well, I too know a day that will live forever in my heart, soul and mind. On July 26, 1996 I made a decision that affected my life FOREVER. As I think back to what led up to that decision, I can only wonder why I never made the decision sooner in my life. Only to realize that I wouldn't have been as serious as I am now about my faith. I used to be a angry, jealous and very lustful man. And even though I was married, I still somehow thought that I could have my cake and eat it too.
The Lord had a plan that was so precise and so cunning that only He could have orchestrated it. The Scriptures declare to us "Many are the plans of man's heart, but the Lord's purpose will prevail". There were many plans in my heart, but the Lord's purpose for them prevailed.
At the time of my conversion I was married for 3 years and my first son was only 18 months old and thankfully knew nothing of my personal issues, although I'm sure at that tender age, even he knew something aboutdaddy wasn't right. As I stated earlier I was an angry man, no regards to anything or anyone. I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with whomever I wanted (period) (dot)
So we begin.....I had stayed all night (first time as a married man) and called my wife and told her that I was too drunk to come home. Of course, that was not fully the truth, yes I had been drinking. But not enough to stay out all night long. My wife had even tried to pursuade me not to go, but I told her that I was going anyway and that was it. My son was very ill with an upper respiratory infection and because she couldn't find her husband, a friend and my father-in-law had to take him to the emergency room and buy his medication.
So as not to drag this story out any longer than I have to. I came home from my night out to find my wife had been up all night with my ill son and was very, very angry with me, to say the least. When I reflect back, my son could have for all that I knew, died that night (he was that ill). As usual I came in and tried to lie my way through the situation but on this day, my wife was not going for my usual spiel. When I came downstairs, I found my clothes torn from my closet and my softball uniform, shoes cut in shreds. I was escorted out of the house by the police, but was allowed to return later in the day. So began my lies and conniving to try and squirm my way out of my "night" out, but the Lord had other plans.
This next part is where I know God was in control all the time and I didn't even see it (obviously). My wife and I had been going back and forth about my whereabouts and finally turned in for the night, when as we were laying there she says "Your lying", in which I replied, "What"?, she again said "your lying, where were you really?" I was truly in shock, it was as if "someone" was speaking to her, but of course only she could hear them. So basically I confessed to my wife of my true whereabouts. Over the next week, it only got worst because as any of you may know. If you tell one lie, you must then tell another and another and another until you forget what you said in the past two.
All this led to me eventually moving out of the house and into my mom's. I was there for about 4 days. I came over on Friday the 26th to give my wife some money for bills and see my son. We of course began to argue and I basically was ready to throw up my hands and leave, but "something" wouldn't let me.
As I was about to walk out the door, I made a detour to the bathroom. I got in front of the mirror and for the first time in my life I gave myself a "real" good look and I couldn't stand what I saw. I realized that I was about to lose everything that ever really mattered up to that point. So I stepped back from the sink and closed my eyes. Then I raised my hands and said "Lord, come into my heart" as I said that I noticed (with my eyes closed) to the left of my vision, a light that seemed to be pulsating. I quickly opened my eyes, not frightened but curious. I again closed my eyes and with hands raised saw this light begin to not only pulsate,but get closer and close to me. Finally, it literally hit me like a bolt of lightning and went through my body. I then cried out and my wife ran into the bathroom and asked me "what's wrong, what happened?"
I told her that "I asked the Lord to come into my heart and He came", that's all that I could muster at that point. And then the most peaceful feeling came over me and my mind was so clear, clearer than it had ever been. I couldn't believe it. It was like the Lord was right there surrounding me with His sweet peace. First I called my friend and told him what happened because him and his wife had been praying for my salvation. Then I called my mom and told her and also talked to my grandmother. I was completely different and completely in awe of what God had done in such a short period time.
My life was never the same. I began to cut everything, everyone out of my life. I had a collection of rap music that I was sooo proud of, but I sold it all and eventually replaced it all with Christian music. Jesus, made a mark on my life that still 9 years later cannot and will not be erased.
Ezekiel 36:26-27 declares: "A new heart will I give you and a new spirit will I put within you, and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you shall heed My ordinances and do them."
The Lord truly turned my heart of stone into a heart that is turned towards His will and His ways. I have not arrived and definetely not perfect by any means, but by His grace and mercy I will continue to strive to be what he has called me to be. A man with a changed heart.
Next: A Changed Heart (Pt.2)
posted by Ray at 10:24 PM
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